I took Jack to his speech evaluation today and although I knew almost positively what the outcome was going to be, I was way bummed. It was just an affirmation of my worries and fears. More therapy, more money, more people staring at us when we are out in public. I usually try to put such a happy face on the whole thing, but today it all kind of came to the surface for a while and it was rough! I am a Special Ed Consultant so I have seen so many kiddos with disabilities, but none of them were ever my kid! So many questions came to mind, most of which I could not answer (and neither can anyone else).
- When will Jack look "normal"?
- Will Jack ever look "normal"?
- How is Kindergarten going to go?
- Is he going to struggle with talking and language his whole life?
- Am I worrying too much?
- Are the tantrums going to get better or worse?
- Why can't he poop like other kids can?
- Where is the money going to come from for this extra therapy that he has to have?
- Will I ever know what caused all of this?
- Will I ever find a doctor who takes me seriously and not just say he must have Autism, because everybody has Autism?
- Will he ever go on a mission?
- Will he ever get married?
- Will I ever stop worrying about him?
I know that no one has the answers, at least not right now, but some days are better than others with how I handle everything that is going on. I just want what is best for him and I really want him to have every opportunity out there!
4 comments:
My dearest Emily...I'm so sorry for the struggles that you are going through. Seriously...they are no fun. We never think it will happen to us do we?! Looking from the outside in, I am SOOO glad that you were the wonderful student that you are, and are the amazing consultant that you are so that you can help your own cutie pie get through these hard times! As we always saw in school, things get better. The more you work with those little darlings, the better things will get- hopefully! You are SUCH an amazing mother, and are so great at what you do. Jack knows that you love him, and at the end of the day, that is all that matters. And what is WITH all the doctors just thinking that he has Autism?! You keep on fighting for little Jack, and if it turns out to be Autism, then you can certainly be sure! But if you don't feel that it is- it isn't! No one knows better than you- his mother AND a special ed consultant to boot! I know it is extremely hard...there are going to be good days and bad days- but just keep on truckin! You are amazing- Jack is so lucky to have such a wonderful mama! PLEASE let me know if there is ever anything that I can do for you...a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, advice giver (although you know MUCH more than me! I've been out of it for a few years!), anything you need, I am here for ya babe!
Sweet Emily, you are such a good mama. He came to you because you are so equipped for him. I've never seen anybody as patient as you -- seriously. And Jack is so handsome and sweet. You will all figure it out. You have more strength than you know!
That's when you need to call! I wish there were answers for those questions (I especially enjoy the poop one). I can only answer the last one for sure: No. That's what moms do whether kids are "normal" or not. Let's do this fight together! Call or email me ANY time!
Emily! This post made me cry! I can't imagine how those things must feel. Even though you seem to be the perfect person for the job I know no parent really wants to worry like this about their own child. But I can say that regardless of any disabilities or how behind he is...this boy is beautiful! ANd if anyone stares at him it's only because they are jealous of his dashing good looks and gorgeous blue eyes. Not to mention he is so darn sweet. And I really think he will turn around here pretty fast. He is a smart boy and very loving and sweet! Good luck with everything!
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